OBJECTIVE OF CLUSTERFUCK: SCORE! three points.
NUMBER OF PLAYERS: 4-8 players
CARDS: Clusterfuck deck
TYPE OF GAME: Party Card Game
AUDIENCE: 18+ years old
INTRODUCTION TO CLUSTERFUCK
Clusterfuck is an adult party game in which players earn points for successful “hookups” and “threesomes.” To print the cards for this game, you download them here.
The game is made of two phases: passing notes and hooking up. During the hook-up phase, players try to earn points by matching up with successful hookups. Once a player earns three points, or there is a successful threesome, the game ends.
The game is best played with 4-8 players sitting in a circle. One palyer acts as the dealer, removing the chlamydia and SCORE! cards, shuffling, and passing each player 4 cards.
THE PASSING OF CARDS
This is the first phase of the game. The player who orgasmed most recently starts the passing. They start by taking a note (card) from hand and passing it to another player, face-down. After, moving clockwise, each player gets the chance to do the same.
Cards received go into your hand. All cards must remain secret.
Players cannot talk before, after, or during this phase. However, players can communicate in non-verbal gestures.
As opposed to passing cards, players have the option to initiate the next round. This is done by slamming your hand (cards) on the table and yelling, “MY BODY IS READY!!!” After this, each player can pass one more note before the next phase.
THE HOOKING UP
Once the last note has been passed, hooking up begins. Each player closes their eyes and points to who they wish to hookup with. There can be monogomous twosomes, if two players point exclusively to each other. If this happens, each player scores 1 point each and are both given a single SCORE! cards.
If three players point to each other, this is a threesome. Each player receives three points if three player all point to each other (using both hands) and the game ends.
The game also ends if one player has three SCORE! cards. Once the game is won, players throw in their cards and they are re-shuffled and re-dealt.
Threesomes must be organized in secret. If a player suspects a threesome is brewing, they can bust it rather than hookup.
When everyone’s eyes are closed, give the middle finger to a player you suspect might be in a threesome. If the threesome is successfully busted in this manner, the buster receives two SCORE! cards and the players of the failed threesome earn nothing.
CHLAMYDIA: OPTIONAL RULE
In games with 6 or more players, the chlamydia card is left in the deck and dealt out. If a player gets the card, it may be passed.
During the hookup phase, if you have a chlamydia card in hand you can still earn points from hooking up BUT your partners do not earn any points.
Once the game has ended, they must announce they had chlamydia to the group. They do not discard the chlamydia card and are dealt only three cards in the next game.
NOTE: If you actually have chlamydia, or think you may have chlamydia, please seek medical attention. You can find information about chlamydia here.
OGLING: OPTIONAL RULE
If you’re a watcher, during the hookup phase you can opt to oogle rather than hook-up. To do so, when everyone’s eyes are closed, form your hands like binoculars around your closed eyes and look in the direction of players you think might be scoring. If you are successful, you earn one SCORE! card.